Лечение Эссенциальной Гипертензии – Essential hypertension treatment

If these initial reactions can be worked through in a spirit of good faith, eventually the couple will develop a more honest relationship, instead of pretending they still admire one another when they do not, and end up being hypercritical or silently sulking or gloating. As their relationship becomes more true, so does the sex. So, while each partner takes turns saying, «I love you just the way you are,» and then says what comes up next, their sexual experience will take some surprising twists and turns. It may be angry, sad, rough, incredulous, and much less exploitative. They will say the sentence, say their thoughts, and then find themselves engaging in rougher sex than usual. Or they will say the sentence, say their thoughts, and cling to one another almost desperately, like infants. The impulse to use the other as a narcissistic sexual extension will diminish. This exercise can be done again and again, with new thoughts coming up, each time accompanied by new kinds of sexual feelings.

To go a step further, couples might also try a variation in which they take turns saying, «I love myself just the way I am,» and then say the next thought that comes into their mind. This will allow them to trace back to its source the judgment that was being projected onto the lover.

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She opens the treasure box and finds a necklace or bracelet.

«For me? Really?» «That’s right.»

She tries it on and primps before a mirror. «So you think you can buy my love?»

«A bandit doesn’t have to buy anything. He steals it.» He takes her into his arms and steals a kiss. «Please,» she murmurs. «Be gentle.»

He undresses her and himself, then makes love to her in a more authoritarian way than ever before. He can do this by using a different variation of foreplay (perhaps doing something she has requested but he has heretofore felt squeamish about), insisting on a different position, or just being a little more forceful. Afterwards, the couple will find that this game has either invigorated their sex life or has brought up feelings that stand in the way of a better sex life. Even in cases where the game at first seems corny and either the wife or husband abandons it, good results can eventuate. The game will put the husband in touch with both his fear of self-assertion and his need for his wife’s approval. It will put the wife in touch with her fear and loathing of sex and her deep-seated need to be swept away so that she doesn’t have to feel guilty about doing something «dirty.»

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As an infant, this patient was rejected by his mother, who seemed to have been a depressed personality herself. He was born with big ears and crossed eyes, and his mother used both unfortunate inheritances as excuses to be disappointed in him. Eventually his father and sisters also scorned him, cementing his development of low self-esteem and lifelong depression.

When two people like my patient get together, you generally have two people who have suffered from some kind of traumatic loss or some kind of emotional abuse. Naturally, they then displace their depression onto their primary relationship. Having been made to feel unworthy, they make their spouse feel unworthy; having not been soothed adequately, they have no sympathy for their spouse; having been emotionally abused, they emotionally abuse their spouse; having been deprived of attention, they are themselves depriving.

The games in this chapter are designed to deal with the negation that such people continually act out.

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Before the travel agent leaves the couple, he or she asks the husband and wife each to hand over a previously agreed-on sum of money (for example, $100), then says the following: «I’m leaving now and will return in two days. During that time you may only make love if you do so in a way you have never done before, and each time before you make love you must each say to the other, ‘We’re all alone here,’ and then express the next thought that comes into your head. There’s a telephone in the cabin, so you can call me if you want me to come get you. If you call me before the weekend is over, or if you haven’t made love in three new ways, you forfeit the money.»

The agent repeats these instructions several times, so that the effect borders on the hypnotic, and asks both husband and wife separately to repeat the instructions verbatim. Only when they are able to do so does the agent leave.

The couple find themselves thrown off-balance in many ways. They are lost physically, stuck in a strange environment without any idea of where it is located. They also are in a no win situation psychologically, because if they do not have sex in three new ways, they’ll lose not only their money but also the game—yet if they do have that sex, they will be forced to do something they have been studiously avoiding precisely because it is anxiety provoking. They are literally deserted, with nobody to turn to—except each other.

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Sexuality is the key to restoring vitality and tenderness to marriage, to self-actualization and to harmony with nature, why doesn’t everybody just have more sex? Of course, it is not that simple. It is not so easy for people who have been blocked since early childhood (or who have developed blocks following a traumatic situation in adulthood) to suddenly become unblocked and be capable of achieving deep and gratifying sexual play leading to love. It requires far more than the intention to do so. Usually it entails help from others—a therapist, a doctor, an understanding friend, a lover, a spouse.

The games in this book are designed for use as an aid to becoming unblocked sexually and emotionally. They can be used in conjunction with therapy or with the assistance of a doctor. They can be used by therapeutically sophisticated couples for a self-directed form of sexual therapy. Or they can simply be used for fun.

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