OUR SEXUAL JOURNEY AS CHILDREN. EMOTIONAL CHANGES. EDUCATIONAL NEEDS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Emotional Changes during Childhood
We develop our basic attitudes about sexuality during childhood. As infants, we form attachments with our parents or other caregivers. How they bond with us is very important to the way we shape our future relationships. Whether they are warm, secure, and loving or cold, insecure, and indifferent affects how we develop our emotional lives into adulthood. Many of our earliest experiences with love and attachment directly reflect our bonds with our parents and caregivers.
Our parents are under a lot of social pressure to try to raise us to be sexually responsible individuals. Some parents try to stop any kind of sexual experimentation by children. They may become upset if they notice their child touching his or her genitals and might say things like “That’s not nice” or “Don’t touch yourself down there.” They may give nonverbal negative messages by slapping or pushing a child’s hand away from her or his genitals.
We may become confused if our parents encourage us to be proud of our growing bodies but discourage us from taking satisfaction in our genitals. Such disapproving messages may cause children to develop negative feelings about their bodies and themselves. The message they receive is that sexuality is bad and so are they.
On the other hand, parents can foster positive feelings about sexuality by acknowledging their children’s autoerotic pleasure. They can smile to their infants and coo, “That feels good, doesn’t it?” To older children, they can say, “I know that feels good, but that’s a private pleasure. We do that when we’re alone—in private.” These approving messages can help children develop positive feelings about their bodies and themselves. The message they receive is that sexuality is good and so are they.
Educational Needs and Responsibilities during Childhood
The sexual curiosity of a child may be surprising to us. It is a good idea to act calmly no matter how surprised we may be. We must be prepared to answer questions. If they are old enough to ask, then they
are old enough to receive an answer. When parents don’t know the answer, it helps to be honest and admit it. We can invite our children to help us look up the answer, or we can find it by ourselves.
The bottom line is to give the child an accurate and simple answer as soon as possible. In all our conversations with our children, we should try to use proper terminology for all body parts, including the vagina, penis, anus, and breasts. Using slang terms gives the impression that we think there is something shameful about these parts of the body.
By the time we are six years old, sex play between our friends and ourselves is a common way of being curious and learning about the differences in our bodies. “Playing doctor” is just one way that we learn about the physical differences between boys and girls while we satisfy our curiosity. We are also aware of the many social restrictions on our sexual expression, so we probably try to hide our activities from our parents and other adults.
One of the greatest responsibilities that our parents have during our childhood is to make sure we know what is socially appropriate behavior and what is not. Parents can integrate discussions about sexuality into family life in a balanced, frank, matter-of-fact way that allows them to deal with sexual topics openly, whenever appropriate. They can set reasonable limits on our sexual behavior as children just as they set rules for other behaviors. They can also present sexuality as a healthy and positive part of life as they present information about sexual risks and responsibilities.
A balanced view of sexual pleasure and responsibility will help children learn to develop positive decision-making skills.
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